i love accidental penises.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
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Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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