Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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