don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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