I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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