Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just took my morning after pill in the library
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
