I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
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Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
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I still have a little drunk in my system
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm always down for nudity.
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