I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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