new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Randomize
