You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
this will be a night to untag.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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