I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize