am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
