Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
