She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
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Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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