He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
