In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
