i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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