Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
