so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
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