yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
