Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
