He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize