I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We left an ass print on the piano.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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