WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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