He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
