I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
