I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
