What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
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If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
i out mim tonsoeep
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