i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i think my mom watched the whole time
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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