I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
