Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
