My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
