Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
