i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
