Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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