SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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