Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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