The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
