his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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