It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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