real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
