whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
