I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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