i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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