We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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