i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
