His hands were made for my vagina.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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