Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
