But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
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