Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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