New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
