Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
