They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
