Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
