oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
They have beer where we have blood.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
