My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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