i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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