Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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