I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
