Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
