I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
