remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm having to shit out rocks
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
