The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
