haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
