Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize