wrigley field is MILF paradise
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
