So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
