Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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