i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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